Planet Waves Editorial Policy Update

The Editorial Board has amended the Planet Waves policy on satire and parody. This is a one-time reminder. If you did not see it, you will never know. But now you've seen it, so you know.

Hello, Happy New Year and Forthcoming Mercury Direct:

It’s lovely to have you here as a free or paid subscriber.

By unanimous vote of the Editorial Board at the Annual Meetings, Planet Waves and Planet Waves FM are updating their editorial policy. We are among the few publications on the internet to post an Editorial Policy — our rules of the road, which we stick to. I can understand why that is not so popular.

This letter includes an update to our longstanding policy on satire and parody — that is, making fun of people and things. I will be doing more of this in 2024 (New Year’s resolution). Under our current longstanding policy, satires are identified with the header, tag or category, “Breaking News,” which is reserved for this purpose only.

Satires contain no other indication of being fictional, though per current policy, “there will be clues in the text, such as in the use of names, or the article growing more ridiculous as it progresses.” Most of my satires are based on a true story. Most of the quotes will be made up. Photos are likely to be AI-generated, as shown below.

Under the updated policy, parodies (in any medium) will now be identified with the word “News" in the headline, such as “Science News,” “UFO News,” “Technology News,” “Astrology News,” etc. If the headline or subject header includes the word “News,” then I am kidding. I will not say this again. If you missed this email, you will not know, and are likely to be fooled. There is nothing I can do about that.

You will not be told when you’re supposed to laugh, even though that would be helpful to some people.

There may be no such categorization on any publication dated March 31 or April 1 of any year for the rest of eternity.

I am aware that after a while, you will start to think of anything that claims to be “News” as a potential joke. This is an intentional rhetorical device and part of an educational process.

If you are offended by satire and parody, I suggest you unsubscribe from this list immediately. The cost to unsubscribe will be a two-year subscription fee. It’s cheaper to subscribe.

With love,
Count Fosse
Chairman of the Boards

Artist’s rendition of the forthcoming UFOU by Elijah Tuttle.

BREAKING NEWS —
SUNY NEW PALTZ TO BECOME UFOU, FIRST CAMPUS DEVOTED EXCLUSIVELY TO OFF-WORLD STUDIES AND UFOLOGY

ALBANY — SUNY New Paltz will be upgraded to the first campus in the United States devoted exclusively to UFO Studies, according to a press release issued Sunday by the central administration.

“It’s about time we started taking this topic seriously,” said Dr. John King, chancellor of the nation’s largest higher education system. “SUNY has always been an innovator, and we are proud to take the lead on this subject whose time has come.”

“New Paltz has always been a little spaced out,” he quipped. “But seriously, we know that the mid-Hudson Valley has long been a hotbed of alien activity, so we thought it was the perfect place.”

The concept was picked up from the Groovy Blueberry Clothing Company, which closed its doors after half a century of outfitting New Paltz with hippy wear, and granted a 100-year lease to the Museum of Otherworldly Wonders, or MOOW.

The museum will open Feb. 1 with a presentation by Whitley Streiber, who grew up in Accord and spent much of his childhood aboard alien craft as an experimental subject. He is the author of the bestselling book “Communion.”

Streiber will be a distinguished professor in the English Department, teaching a graduate seminar in fiction.

Dr. Stephen Greer has also been tapped, and will teach the world’s first course in interplanetary relations. And David Wilcock, who graduated from New Paltz in 1994, will teach a freshman level course called EBE Love: Introduction to Entities.

What was previously called the "lecture center" will now be known as Roswell Hall. "I'm very excited to be returning to my alma mater," Wilcock said in a statement issued through his publicist's publicist.

The SUNY Architecture Office confirmed that Bliss, Capen, Gage and Scudder dormitories, which were contaminated in a 1991 electrical accident, would be demolished and replaced by a miniature replica of Area 51. Eventually, it will spread underground into the entire hillside on which the campus sits.

“Everyone knows PCBs and dioxins are bad for aliens,” said Jon Cohen, who will teach a course in advanced phrenology. "We have to take care of the students."

The campus will work in cooperation with SUNY Montauk, which currently has the only UFOlogy department in the system. Thousands of students have been admitted to that program, though none have graduated, or returned home for holiday break.

Alcyone Community College (ACC) will have a field campus at New Paltz, where visiting students will be able to intermingle and cross-breed with those from New York State. Students from Vega and Proxima Centauri are also expected to partake in an exchange program.

"All these newcomers must obey the law," said Manny Nneji, who is the incoming Ulster County District Attorney. "Either that or they will be issued an appearance ticket," he added.

"You gotta be kidding," said Gillian Anderson, who played Dana Scully in the series "The Ex Files." She added, "Well, OK, I've been to New Paltz. This could be true."

It is anticipated that eventually, the entire campus will be abducted, leaving a larger version of the former Tripping Fields in its place.

Artist’s rendition of the UFO museum by Elijah Tuttle.

BREAKING NEWS —
UFO MUSEUM COMING TO NEW PALTZ AT FORMER LOCATION OF GROOVY BLUEBERRY HIPPY STORE

After more than 50 years as a Deadhead tie-dye shop, 1 Water Street, New Paltz, will reincarnate as a UFO museum. Officially called The Museum of Otherworldly Wonder, abbreviated MOOW, the location will include exhibits on the history of "visitor" phenomena centered in the Hudson Valley.

"The Mountain," as it is known, was long suspected as a base for alien craft, and that was recently confirmed by scientific investigation. Several Boy Scouts using an infrared camera finder were tipped off to the location of an alien ship in 2022.

The scouts all got credit toward their Alien Hunting merit badge, which will count toward Eagle Scout.

Jon Cohen, one of the Blueberry's founders, confirmed the development, saying, "We wanted something perfect for our special building along the water, and we found the right tenant."

MOOW will include exhibits on various kinds of extra-biological entities (EBEs), models of various kind of ships, and a piece of actual wreckage from the Roswell incident donated by a retired Air Force general who lives in Gardiner.

The first speaker at the museum will be Whiteley Strieber, author of the famous book "Communion," much of which takes place in Accord. He will be speaking at the venue on Feb. 1, 2024, the anniversary of his first abduction.

The following month, noted UFOlogist David Wilcock will make a return to his alma mater town and give a presentation titled, "Something is Happening."

The image is an artist's rendition of how the building will look once it is renovated. The whole structure will be equipped with antigravity technology, which will allow it to levitate over the village.

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